I don’t know about you, but when I was younger, I accomplished a lot in my life through force, “willpower,” punishments and rewards, and deadlines (emphasis on the “dead” part, which is how I often felt at the finish line of projects and degrees). I’d been conditioned to think that coercion, from myself or others, […]
Are You Stuck in a Response Rut? How Your Listening Can Deepen or Distance Your Relationships
–> Have you ever wanted to support someone, but what you said or didn’t say seemed to make things worse? –> Do you rerun conversations afterward, cringing about what you said, and wishing you could have a “do-over”—even if you aren’t exactly sure what you’d do or say differently? –> Do you fear conflict, because […]
Why is Self-Compassion So Elusive? (And A Three-Step Process for Priming the Pump!)
When I started learning Nonviolent Communication (NVC) a decade ago, one of my first teachers heavily emphasized self-empathy—that is, sensing into our own feelings and needs as a method to understand and connect with ourselves—as the easiest and most readily available source of empathy and compassion. “Self-empathy is your best friend,” she said. Her preference […]
What Would You Do with Your Life if You Had More Support?
I’m writing you tonight from the recently reopened community room at Wilbur Hot Springs. I hear some guests cooking their meals in the nearby kitchen and others chatting over their dinner by the fireplace. In the library, folks are reading and napping on overstuffed sofas. The atmosphere is warm and nurturing and familiar, which is […]
The Truth about Your Inner Critic
Do you spur on your inner critic, hoping that if you can just be harder on yourself, you can liberate yourself from your pain and inhabit your life more fully? Or do you try to stifle, ignore, or exile your inner critic, believing that the key to happiness is to just think positively and overpower […]